Friday, 27 October 2017

fuck depression

I turned 18 almost an hour ago.
In an hour that’s supposed to be happy, I’ve managed to be miserable.
My two best friends showed up to surprise me with a cake, presents and balloons.
I could’ve been happy and I should’ve been and in an alien way, I was. But this last hour has been filled with self-pity, misery, anxiety and hate. For no real reason.
The past hour has been a reminder that just because it’s your birthday, even if it is your 18th, doesn’t mean all the bad in the world stops existing. It doesn’t mean people who don’t care will suddenly start caring and that’s fucked up because these shouldn’t be my thoughts right now.
I shouldn’t be so goddamn mad right now.
Things are supposed to be good, I’m supposed to be satisfied, content and blissful right now but fuck it, I’m not. I’m really not. Everything seems wrong, everything seems shades of red and black and fucked.
So happy birthday to my oldest friend, that won’t be leaving me any time soon. Happy birthday to my depression. 

2 comments:

Tazeen said...

It gets better, Adeena. x

Adeena said...

Here’s hoping