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Saturday, 18 February 2017

a solo adventure

i wanted to yell "i love you, i love you, i love you." even if i don't know what that means. even if the words are as meaningless as the passing fillers of small talk. "i love you."

and maybe you always love the people you love, and maybe they always have a part of you and a part of them you'll never let go, even if it's hurtful, even if it's painful, even if it's imperfect because at least... at least it's better than letting go.

i wanted to say i love you because i've spent too much time not saying it and too much time waiting to. i don't know what it means, i don't know if the damned time zones will ever stop working against us or if we'll ever be in the same place at the same time long enough to know how it feels to be wholly yours, to have you wholly mine. and i know, people can never belong to other people, but holy shit, if god could only make you mine.

i heard somewhere that there's always something unspoken between two people, and i wonder if the gap between us is the unspoken, because we speak enough but all i hear is "not now, not yet, just wait."

i can't kill the aching, i can't kill the homesickness, i can't kill the questions - "what if, what if, what if?"

only god can help me now.

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