Saturday, 30 November 2013

Do you wanna know?

I was talking to my dad today, when he was trying to convince me to get out of the hotel (we're in Dubai, but more on that later) and go out with them, and I guess I was really pissed at the time because I said something like, "You know what's really annoying? The fact that you keep striving higher and higher and higher, and keep hoping for things to be better tomorrow. You deal with your shit today so that you won't have any to deal with when you're older. But you do. It never works, you keep trying to keep the bullshit out of your life, but that is your life. And I'm just so sick of it. Sick of believing things are going to get better, but they never really do."
Okay, it is possible I didn't say exactly that, but something along those lines.

Most of the things I want to say are so crazy, I doubt any of my followers will actually want to read it, or be interested. Who wants to listen to the rants of a fucked-up fourteen-year-old?

And no, I'm not the fourteen-year-old that everyone images when I mention my age, and I'm so sick of people generalizing. I have literally no tolerance for people who generalize. This applies in all aspects of life, mind you, so don't even.

The problem is, and this is really just me starting off from wherever because this is not something I can periodically explain, nobody has hurt me. I doubt anybody has ever really hurt me. Except for myself. I've hurt myself the most. Not physically, of course. But I've just always made things worse for me. Sometimes I wonder if I want to be in shitty situations because I put myself in some so often. I need saving from myself. Somebody to tell me, "Adeena, you're ruining your life. You are pulling the trigger yourself." Somebody who can make me look at life from a rational point of view. It's crazy that I couldn't do it without losing some of the closest people in my life.

"How do you feel?"

Is there a way somebody can run away from themselves? Because, I'm up for anything right now.
Whatever. This is such a pointless post.

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