Thursday, 20 June 2013

stay

i don't know if i should be writing this post... i don't know if what i feel is even real, if it actually makes sense what i feel.
i feel trapped. and i don't mean like i can't go where i want to, or i want to travel. i'm just scared there's too much out there in the world i won't ever get to see. too much out there i won't get to experience. that scares me. i want to see so much. i want to do so much.
i want to travel, i want to learn different languages, i want to meet people, walk in barren lands, read long forgotten books, live in old houses, eat crazy types of food i'd never imagine eating, walk up to a random stranger and tell them i like the book they're reading, or the way they've put up their hair, anything.
i want to really discover the world. that scares me, really.
i want to know what life is... what living it's like.
and i'm not sure what scares me more, the fact that i can do that or the fact that i might never be able to.

i've wondered a lot of things for a long time... and one of them being, if someday, when i get married, my in-laws treat me bad, what's my dad going to do? is he going to care? is he going to let them treat me like shit? or is he going to take me back home with him? i don't know if i should be thinking about all this... but it means so much.

and i don't really know how to deal with so many feelings at the moment. i just don't. and the fact that i can't tell anybody who'll actually understand is frightening.

and i don't really know if there's anything left to say

3 comments:

Ginger said...

Beautifully written post, Adeena :)

We all realize that the world goes past our own doorsteps when we are teenagers, and that much change and conflict just makes our heads shake.. It all makes more sense someday, when our minds expand enough, and we get to see more of the world - or so I hope!

I like your blog btw, keep it up :)

Adeena said...

Thank you so much, Ginger. That means a lot to me.

Adeena said...
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