Monday, 21 January 2013

Kill to feel that very air upon my skin.

There's a whole bunch of crap going on in my life right now, but I'm not going to post about it just yet because I don't feel like I'm on terms with it, yet.
But in every hard time that I have to face, there's only one thing that I can think of: Islamabad.
I know I'm being a cheesy old prick, but Islamabad is just where I want to be.
I want to have long walks in F9 Park. I want Mama's ice-cream from D. Watson. I want to go shopping at Jinnah Super, feel the sun peeking through the high, bushy trees, the fresh air that I'm not used to anymore, intoxicating me.
I want to drive to Daman-e-Koh and see the view of the whole city, belittled, though just as magnificent. 
I want to witness the inconsistent rain, the clouds, the windstorms, everything.
And I don't know when I will... 
I cannot deny the magnificence of Karachi, but it's just not my kind of place. My kind of place is Islamabad. The town of peace, the town of humble and friendly people. The town where absolutely everything can go wrong, but even when it is, it isn't. It's Islamabad, you see.
And maybe I'm exaggerating. I'm pretty sure most of what I'm saying doesn't make any sense to y'all.

I am from Karachi, but I will always consider myself Potohari (the area Islamabad resides in is called Potohar, it is not part of Punjab), consider myself a hardcore Islamabadi. 
And I always will be. As soon as I can find my way out, as soon as I'm responsible for myself, I am out of here.

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

I'd been expecting this.

When 2011 ended, I vigilantly and enthusiastically bid farewell to the year, claiming it was one of the worst years ever and that now that it was over, we'd be be able to be happy again.
I know that sounds stupid, but that's what I thought.
And now, having gone through another year of my life, which consisted of both light and dark, I realize that no year is responsible for what happens to you. And that every coming year will be as bad as the last. But it's our responsibility as secondary caretakers of our lives and souls, to realize that no matter how bad a time passes you, there's a reason behind it and soon enough, you'll find out what it is.
When my aunt died in 2010, and the two years before her death when we were all really just passing the time we had, and I didn't regret it and I didn't hate it and I wasn't depressed, and I wasn't even unhappy. But it was a difficult time. And now that that time's passed (Thank God), I really see that that time, though primarily made our lives tough, also made us happy in our daily life. You know what I mean?
We were so hung up on 'Oh, that chemotherapy,' or 'Oh, dinner at Phuppo's tonight,' that the time at school for me, or work for my dad, or even home for my mother, was good. It was relaxed, because we saw the bigger image; because all the hardships of daily lives didn't get to us, because for all we knew, we'd be losing a beloved family member the very next day.
And then that year went by, and then another, and now another has gone, and we're still here. Still standing, still together, still loving, caring, hurting, breathing.

So, for what it's worth, happy new year, and may the coming year make you a stronger person. And I say that with a lot of thought put into the statement. And I don't really think, so savor it.